A story about a cross-eyed mule on the Wanker farm.
Young David was a sittin' on the porch a pickin' his banjo, when Pappy told him to hitch up the mule and plow the garden. Now this garden was on a steep hillside on Wanker Mountain. Pappy married into the Wanker family, Maw's kin. Now David commence to plowin' with that old hillside plow, one furrow, two furrow, but on the third furrow, he hit a stump and the mule wouldn't move. David fetched Pappy and told him the darn mule just won't move. Pappy said "David, what you do to ole Jenny?" Then he noticed the mule done went cross-eyed from a stainin' agin the stump. Pappy told David to set out to the house and tell Maw to call Doc Jones and tell him our mule done went cross-eyed.
Doc Jones showed up about an hour latter, ridin' his Jack mule and a carryin' a black bag. Doc looked at the mule eyes and said "I can fix her fer $10.00." Pappy said "fix her!" Doc said "now you watch that old mule's eyes and when there not crossed no-more, tell me." David was right there with Pappy a watchin' ole Jenny's eyes. Doc pulled a rubber hose from that black bag and stuck one end in the mule's rear end and commence to blowin on the other end. Sure enough, the mule's eyes uncrossed. Pappy paid Doc and David started plowin' with ole Jenny, til it got dark.
Now the next day, Pappy and Maw were headin' to town to sell eggs and buy seed. They told David to put that old banjo down and finish plowin' the garden, and Granny Wanker would be a watchin', that he didn't chase the sheep or torment the chickens. Now Granny Wanker was Maw's, Maw and she was a little old lady and a snuff dipper.
David hitched up ole Jenny and commence to plowin', one furrow, two furrow, three furrow, on the forth furrow, he hit a stump again! Sure enough, the mule were cross-eyed again! David said, "I'll save Pappy $10.00, I seen how Doc done it." He set out to the barn, found a rubber hose and fetched Granny from her cabin. On their way to the garden, Granny ask David if he wanted a dip. He said "no thank ya Granny, I'd rather roll my own."
Now David put one end of that hose in the mule's rear end and told Granny to commence to blowin' on that hose until he told her to stop. David at the mule's head and Granny at the rear, just a blowin' on that hose with all she had, but the mule's eyes wouldn't budge. David said, "Granny, you ain't got enough wind, you watch the mule's eyes and I'll blow on that there hose." David commence to pullin' that hose out of the mule's rear end. Granny said, "David Honey, what in tar nation er you a doin'?" David said, "Granny, you think I'm goin' a put my mouth on the end of that hose, with all that tobacco juice on it"?
Edited! The truth comes out, it wasn't Greg!
Sorry Greg, too much
corn!
Young David was a sittin' on the porch a pickin' his banjo, when Pappy told him to hitch up the mule and plow the garden. Now this garden was on a steep hillside on Wanker Mountain. Pappy married into the Wanker family, Maw's kin. Now David commence to plowin' with that old hillside plow, one furrow, two furrow, but on the third furrow, he hit a stump and the mule wouldn't move. David fetched Pappy and told him the darn mule just won't move. Pappy said "David, what you do to ole Jenny?" Then he noticed the mule done went cross-eyed from a stainin' agin the stump. Pappy told David to set out to the house and tell Maw to call Doc Jones and tell him our mule done went cross-eyed.
Doc Jones showed up about an hour latter, ridin' his Jack mule and a carryin' a black bag. Doc looked at the mule eyes and said "I can fix her fer $10.00." Pappy said "fix her!" Doc said "now you watch that old mule's eyes and when there not crossed no-more, tell me." David was right there with Pappy a watchin' ole Jenny's eyes. Doc pulled a rubber hose from that black bag and stuck one end in the mule's rear end and commence to blowin on the other end. Sure enough, the mule's eyes uncrossed. Pappy paid Doc and David started plowin' with ole Jenny, til it got dark.
Now the next day, Pappy and Maw were headin' to town to sell eggs and buy seed. They told David to put that old banjo down and finish plowin' the garden, and Granny Wanker would be a watchin', that he didn't chase the sheep or torment the chickens. Now Granny Wanker was Maw's, Maw and she was a little old lady and a snuff dipper.
David hitched up ole Jenny and commence to plowin', one furrow, two furrow, three furrow, on the forth furrow, he hit a stump again! Sure enough, the mule were cross-eyed again! David said, "I'll save Pappy $10.00, I seen how Doc done it." He set out to the barn, found a rubber hose and fetched Granny from her cabin. On their way to the garden, Granny ask David if he wanted a dip. He said "no thank ya Granny, I'd rather roll my own."
Now David put one end of that hose in the mule's rear end and told Granny to commence to blowin' on that hose until he told her to stop. David at the mule's head and Granny at the rear, just a blowin' on that hose with all she had, but the mule's eyes wouldn't budge. David said, "Granny, you ain't got enough wind, you watch the mule's eyes and I'll blow on that there hose." David commence to pullin' that hose out of the mule's rear end. Granny said, "David Honey, what in tar nation er you a doin'?" David said, "Granny, you think I'm goin' a put my mouth on the end of that hose, with all that tobacco juice on it"?
Edited! The truth comes out, it wasn't Greg!
Sorry Greg, too much
corn!
That was much easier than typing.